Q. From Bob Gunderson in Chicago, Illinois. Dear Jr.
You are so cool, I admire you and you are my all time favorite hero (and just about half the world's
favorite hero). How does one become cool like you?
A. Dear Bob, There are three ways to become cool. #1- you gotta be born with
coolness. #2- you gotta earn your coolness. #3- or you could become one of my friends which automatically
gives you the status of cool. I hope this answers your question.
Q. From Shiny McShine in New York City, New York. Dear Junior, I've heard that you were
going to make a talk show, but I've been waiting for over 6 months now. What is the deal man? (by the way, you
are the greatest and the bestest!)
A. Dear Shiny, yes, you're right, I was going to make a show. The show was going
to include such guests as Chris Cobb, Brandon Str8, Hillary Clinton, Hines Von Keith, Keanu Reeves, and other high profile
people such as them. But, due to network difficulties and misunderstandings with ABC, FOX, CBS, and NBC, it has been
delayed for a while now. Most of the controversy is due to the fact that they are fighting over my show, they say it
will get higher ratings than "Friends" and the Super Bowl, COMBINED! But since it has taken this long, I think I will
just record it at home some time in the near future and not sell it to the networks.
Q. From Terd Fergerson in Tacoma, Washington. Hey Junior, I just want to say that I'm
your biggest fan ever!
A. Dear Terd, that's not really a question, but I'm flattered by the comment. Thanks to
you and all my fans. Oh, and contrary to popular belief, I'm not gay.
Q. From Pamela Anderson in Hollywood, California. Junior, I just want to say you're the
most handsome guy in history. I love you. My question is will you marry me?
A. Dear Pamela, lol, I'm flattered by your remarks, but I'm sorry, I can't marry you at the
moment. I'm still waiting for that perfect someone, but you're not her. I'll tell you what though, I'll send you
a bouquet of flowers as a gift! Hopefully that will cheer you up, eh?
Q. From Rasta Fawrie in Detroit, Michigan. Dear Junior, I have been pondering this question
for about 35 years now, but I haven't come up with an answer. Where do babies come from?
A. Dear Rasta, that question is truly one which has puzzled mankind for thousands of years.
But, have no fear, I have finally figured out the answer. While I was walking down the street the other day, I happened
to walk across a factory that said "Cabbage Patch Kids Incorporated." Curiously, I walked inside to have a peek and
I was horrified. I saw babies being manufactured, then being born out of patches of cabbage. These "black market
baby farmers" were then putting the babies along with the cabbages that they came in into neatly designed boxes to be
shipped across America. They were getting ready for mass distribution! I was sickened. This is where you
and I have come from. Our parents bought us from the store then we came out of cabbage patches. Nevertheless,
there is your answer to your question. Babies are come from cabbages.
Q. From Harry Bodas in Los Angelas California: Hey jackass, why haven't you updated
your site in a long time? I'm getting sick and tired of waking and whacking in the morning and then coming to the comuter
and seeing the last time you updated your site to be Maytember 53, 0001. It is making me mad, and I just may cum
after you!
A. Whoa there Mr. Bodas. I am sorry I have not updated my site but
I have not had internet for a while. Butt do not worry, for I have it now, and you can expect more frequent updates.
There is no need for the profanity little boy. I will personally send you a fruit basket and a signed picture of me.
Anyone else who wants a fruit basket or picture, feel free to contact me and let all your anger our on me.
Q. From Fred Okra: Hey, what are you currently working on, I heard you have
a new movie in the works.
A. Correct you are Fred, I am working on a story/script called Night of the
Living Zombies. Look for it in 2030. As for the future, I have not run out of ideas, and am pleased to announce
that the Chief will take over any action the scared little Junior can not perform. In other words, the Chief will be
my alter ego from now on.
